Girl or Boy?
A few weeks ago Augusto was invited to a birthday party. Children’s birthday parties here are quite a bit different than the extravagant activity and theme-based parties we are used to in California. The invitation was merely a slip of paper, handwritten with the party information – for the next day. This I have found, is normal. Directions are given by what landmarks it is near – no address. There is no number for an RSVP. I guess no matter what, there will be plenty of food – this IS Italy after all.
However, a dilemma quickly arose when I asked Augusto what we should get for a gift. “I don’t know” was his reply. “I don’t know what girls like” “So it’s a girl’s birthday we are going to?” I ask. “Yeah” Augusto says rather offhanded. “I don’t know if I really want to go to a girl’s party though” At this point Dante pipes up. “It’s a boy. Francesco is a boy’s name.” “No…she’s a girl!” replies Augusto and now a full blown fight ensues.
Five minutes later of arguing and I finally get to interject with “Well Augusto, the name does end in an “O” so that would make it a boy…” “But mom, she has long hair” he says rather disgustedly, in that now-oh-so-familiar “Duh..!” voice.
I am confused. By ending in an “O”, the name is masculine by Italian rules and Dante is insisting that it is a boy. Augusto argues that “she” has long curly hair and that makes her a girl. So, boy or girl? Generally if the name ends in an “A”, it is a female, but it is true that there are a few exceptions to the naming rules here.
But I wish things were so easy in the US – names are becoming more and more gender neutral. For example, Taylor, Mason, Avery, Devon, and Jordan. You had better make sure that when you’re doing those class Valentine cards, that they’re gender neutral too.
So what kind of a gift do I get? How androgynous do I go? A Barbie in hunting camouflage? A toy hunting rifle with sparkles and flower decals? Pink soccer ball? Wood-fired Easy Bake Oven?
I decide to try to deduce whether it is a boy or girl and play 101 questions with Augusto.
Me: “Augusto, what color grembiule (that smock uniform thing the kids are required to wear to school) does Francesco wear?” My rationale: Girls wear white or pink and the boys wear blue or black. A dead giveaway.
Augusto: “I don’t know. I don’t remember or I don’t think she wears one.”
Me: “Who does Francesco play with? More boys or more girls?”
Augusto: “Boys. She plays with the boys. But sometimes she plays with the girls”
Me: “Well, that might mean that it is a boy.”
Augusto: “She could be a tomboy like you were”
Me: “Yes, that’s true” How does he remember this stuff? I continue “What kind of toys does she play with at recess?”
Augusto: “Bakugon and Gormiti – that’s all she EVER plays with.”
Me: (Thinking to myself) Well, that clinches it – a boy, but I don’t want to pigeon hole the boy/girl if it really is a girl that likes to play with Bakugon.
Before I can say anything, Augusto pipes up: “But girls can play with that stuff.”
Me: “Yes, they can” Let’s stick with equality for everyone.
Hmmm, this is going to be harder than I thought.
I decide to ask my neighbor Silvia. She knows everybody in the town, she will know if it is a boy or girl. Of course as soon as I ask, she laughs knowingly. “It is a boy! Yes, but because of the hair…! It is very long and curly, very beautiful! Like an angel”
The sad thing is that Augusto has thought that this boy was really a girl all year long. Not that being a girl is a bad thing obviously, but a mistaken identity is. If you look at the picture I took at the party, you can see Augusto’s dilemma. He is very beautiful.
Francesco
I understand Augusto’s confusion. He just knows that boys were not allowed this haircut at his California school.